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Bellatrix: UWU UWU UWU NOTICE ME SENPAI

Voldemort: ...what.

Bellatrix: Dark Lord-san will you marry me? UWU UWU UWU

Voldemort: Okay I thought Ginny’s love poem was pathetic but this is on a whole other level.

Kreacher: I- i still remem-member what M-master R-regulus t-told me o-on the day h-he d-d-d-died... *sobbing* This is w-what h-he t-told m-me...

Regulus: Oh look what a sunny day. A nice day to BETRAY THE MOTHERFLIPPING DARK LORD okay bye Kreacher it’s death time.

Lucius: My Lord... if we are meant to operate silently, like a snake as you are describing... how must we disguise ourselves? And how do we recognize those that are loyal?

~2 hours later *insert elevator music*~

Bellatrix: I honestly think the tattoo should be “UWU UWU UWU I follow Voldy-senpai”

Voldemort: erm- too long. Maybe something like “I am loyal to only my Lord, the Dark Lord Voldemort All Powerful and Merciful, and I am forever until my death-“

Barty Crouch Jr.: What about a skull eating a snake?

Narcissa: Ew, no Barty.

~3 hours later *insert more elevator music*~

Voldemort: Okay so we’ve narrowed it down to Barty’s yucky snake skull thingy and “UWU NOTICE ME MY EVIL LOVE I WILL TSUNDERE FOR YOUUUUU” Okay first of all how the actual heck did THAT manage to get though my patented Bella-Screening ™ ?

Bellatrix: hMMmMmMmmmMmM probably narcissa

Barty Crouch Jr.: So does this mean we’re doing my thing?

Voldemort: *sigh* Yes.

Barty: *victory dance scuffling noises*

Bellatrix: *sigh* When is Voldemort going to notice me?

Narcissa, who has absolutely no time to talk about Bella’s love life and it’s also 2 am: Maybe you should ignore him.

Bellatrix: What? Cissy, are you insane? If you don’t stalk someone, how will they love you? I mean, that’s how you and Lucius got married wasn’t it?

Narcissa: Speaking of marriage, you’re married. Are you sure Rodolphus is fine with this?

Bellatrix: Yeah. He’s a crybaby though. *imatating Rodolphus* He’s several years older than you! You disgust him! You call him Volde-Senpai! Stop trying to cheat on me! HA! He’s so STUPID, that Rodolphus. He needs to get over himself.

Narcissa: See, this is why no men like you.