Previous Chapters:

Chapter 1: https://harrypotter.fandom.com/f/p/4400000000003511265

Chapter 2: https://harrypotter.fandom.com/f/p/4400000000003514336

Chapter 3: https://harrypotter.fandom.com/f/p/4400000000003520568

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@MeowTasticCat @IMPERIAL TRANSMISSIONS @HxnyFlxwers @HRRYPTTERFN234 @Brystal Granger @Widelymisunderstood @Stxrryskiesxx @TsundereGrl @William Perks @Madiblox @Girlyball

Chapter 4: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Sirius learned that he was accepted to be a cashier and salesman for 2nd Hand Brooms, so knowing extra income was coming the two of them decided to hire a nanny to watch Harry while they work. They chose Sarah Baker, great-niece of Leaky Cauldron owner Tom Dodderidge and the next day after she arrived Sirius began his job.

They slowly began to settle into a routine. They wake up, if Harry’s awake they dress him and feed him but if not they let him sleep, make there own breakfast, Remus goes to work, Sirius waits for Sarah then goes to work himself, Sirius is home by five and cooks supper and takes care of Harry, Remus is home at six, they eat, they play with and entertain Harry, then go to bed. Rinse and repeat every day, the only variation is when they got to stay the weekend at the Dursley’s, and on those days they are practically locked in the smallest bedroom the entire time with nothing but two single beds and a crib.

They aren’t allowed to just be there either, they got to pay the equivalent of eight galleons each every weekend that they stay. Sirius quickly learned why Lily rarely spoke about her sister’s family, they were truly awful.

Near the beginning of December Sirius had gotten so low that he didn’t even put a fake smile on when he was home anymore, he was having a very hard time finding the joy in life. Remus noticed pretty quickly and thought he was just bored from working all the time, he decided to try and cheer him up.

One day Remus had off he gave Ms Baker a couple extra hours worth of pay and when Sirius got home threw his muggle leather jacket at him.

‘Get changed, I’m taking you out.’

‘What?’

‘You heard me, get some muggle civies on and meet me outside.’

He reluctantly did and allowed Remus to take him to a near by bar. It was nothing special, decent amount of people and popular songs playing like Queen and David Bowie’s new song. They sat down at the table and the waiter came over.

‘Can I get you guys anything to eat or drink?’

Sirius had begun to say “water” when Remus interrupted.

‘We’ll both have whatever the special is and as for drinks, do you got any Bass Red Triangle?’

‘We do-‘

‘Then we’ll take two of those.’

The waiter left and Sirius turned to Remus really confused.

‘What are you doing Moony? I don’t want any of this stuff?’

‘I’m trying to bring some surprise back into our lives, we’ve been stuck in a routine and it’s been getting to you. So I picked a bar we’ve never been to and ordered completely random food so we have no idea how tonight will go.’

‘But what about Harry?’

‘He’s fine, Sarah is watching him. Just relax and have a little fun tonight.’

And soon there drinks were here and Remus took a mouthful of his beer but Sirius didn’t even touch his.

‘I wasn’t fully serious before Padfoot, if you wanted something else you can order a different drink.’

Miserably Sirius mumbled, ‘I don’t really want to drink.’

‘That’s alright I guess, but since when do you not want to drink?’

‘I just don’t, alright. Drop it Remus.’

‘But what happened to the party man, the man who loved going to bars in his leather jacket?’

‘He died.’

‘What do you me he died?’

‘They died! They’re all dead! How can I have fun when every single person I know and loved is dead!’

Everyone in the bar turned to look at them, but no one said anything, Remus stayed silent as well.

‘How can I be happy when they no longer can.’ And with that he got up and ran out.

Remus quickly got up as well, put muggle money down to pay for the drinks and food they would not be drinking and for the seen they had caused, and ran after Sirius.

He got out and couldn’t see him, so he ran down the street calling his name and looking in every alleyway.

‘Sirius! Sirius! SIRIUS!’

Finally he found him, in an alleyway near there flat. He was sitting on a crate and crying heavily and had his arms wrapped around himself. Remus sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder to show that he was there for him, but let him keep crying.

They stayed like this for several minutes, but very slowly Sirius began to calm. His breath was heavy, but was becoming more steady. Sirius took a deep breath and finally spoke.

‘How can I live my life if James is gone?’

‘You do it one hour at a time, and always aim for the horizon. You got to stop keeping yourself miserable, you got to try and get some joy into your life. If not for yourself or me, try for Harry, he really needs you Sirius. I am here for you by the way, anything you need I will help you. I’m not going anywhere. So what do you need Sirius?’

Sirius, still with tears rolling down his face, pulled Remus into a tight hug. Almost imperceptible Sirius whispered to Remus.

‘Just hold me.’

Red rose to Remus’ cheeks, but he did as he was told, he wrapped his arms tightly around his oldest friend and didn’t let go. They just stayed like that, holding each other in their arms.

Finally Sirius let go and the two young men stood up.

‘There is something I think I need Remus, I need to ask you a favour.’

‘Anything.’

‘I need to clear my head, I think I need to go for a couple days, get out of my routine and this city, break the cycle. Will you look after Harry for a couple days.’

‘Yes, but wait, are you leaving right now?’

‘Yes, this is something I need to do.’

‘Okay then.’

So they headed back up to there flat, dismissed Ms Baker for the night, Sirius packed a small duffle-bag, Remus packed some food and water, and finally Sirius hugged Harry goodbye before leaving and getting on his motorcycle. Remus watched him take off from the window.

He played with Harry, read to him, and put him down to bed when he got tired. Now alone he tried to get some work done, over the last year he had started collecting information on werewolves and other supernatural creatures, and writing it down. It originally was just meant to be notes to help him with work, but it was quickly becoming the beginnings of a novel, potentially a big one.

But after an hour of no progress he had to put the quill down. He could not get what happened out of his head. Not just the melt down, but something else, something that kept replaying over and over again in his mind. The hug, he had hugged Padfoot many times before, but never like that, nor had it ever felt like that. Sirius had hugged him, and made Remus feel like he never wanted Sirius to let go.

Remus eventually decided to go to bed. He got comfortable under the blankets and slowly started drifting to sleep. It was just as he was being to doze off that it occurred to him and he was suddenly wide awake.

‘Oh bullocks, no no no. I can’t, he’s my best friend.’

But there was no denying what he realized he had felt. He had developing feelings for Sirius.

The following 36 hours he tried to distract himself from this fact. He spent the day trying to teach Harry more simple words, including him and Sirius’ names, he also tried an advanced scar healing spell he had leaned that week on Harry’s forehead to no avail, but he eventually couldn’t run from what was on his mind.

He sat down to think. He knew Sirius liked men, he had told the Marauders in there third year, but it had taken Remus many more years to figure out his own sexuality. If he was being honest he still wasn’t fully sure. He knew he liked women, but it was only after he graduated that he realized he might like men to. And he had always felt a special connection with Sirius specifically, but he hadn’t realized until yesterday that connection was romantic.

But what does he do, if it was two months ago he would just tell him and accept a yes or no answer, but things were much more complicated now. Him and Sirius were now legally bound together, so if he told Sirius and he reacted badly then it could destroy there friendship and result in Harry being raised by his aunt.

Before Sirius returned Sunday afternoon, Remus had come to a decision. He would not be acting upon his feelings, he would simply remain friends with Sirius and raise Harry platonically.

‘Sirius, welcome home. How are you.’

‘A bit better I think. I went randomly cycling through the countryside and stayed in this little village I found. The crisp air really was refreshing.’

He didn’t appear to be one-hundred percent better, but his small adventure did seem to do him a lot of good. His eyes no longer seemed empty of joy. He put his bag down next to his rooms door and went to Harry’s room, Remus followed.

‘There’s my godson!’

He picked up Harry, who was playing on the floor with some blocks, and held the sixteen month old in his arms.

‘I missed you a lot my little fawn.’

‘Paddy!’

The room went quiet, this was the first time Harry had said this. Sirius looked at Remus, then back to Harry, and he know had the biggest smile ever on his face.

‘Yes, I am Paddy, I am your Paddy.’

After an hour of excitedly getting Harry to repeat that word as many times as possible, they made supper, and then set Harry down for the night. It was then just the two of them.

‘I had tried to get him to say “Sirius”and “Remus” all weekend, but I think it was to advanced, he must have heard me call you “Padfoot” on many occasions and just-‘

‘-I missed you too, Moony.’

‘Sorry?’

‘When I got back the first thing I did was tell Harry how much I missed him, I missed you as well. While I was gone it also occurred to me that when I was upset I said that everyone I care about is dead, but that isn’t true, I care about you too and it means a lot to me what you did, I’m sorry if I came off as an “asinus petat”.’

Remus laughed a bit. ‘You are, but your an “asinus petat” I care about. I’m glad you got some things out of your system. We should add in some time for things we enjoy to our routine to help keep us sane, that’s a mistake we can’t repeat.’

‘Yeah, I think you are right.’

‘Welp, I’m off to bed. We both got work tomorrow so don’t stay up to late Padfoot.’

‘Remus-‘

‘Yes Sirius?’

‘About the other night, thank you for being with me.’

‘Always.’

[Mod edit: Removing profanity]