Me: Oh, Sev. Come on over here...
Snape: Cosmic, I swear to God, if I have to play Kiss or Miss AGAIN-
Me: It's not Kiss or Miss.
Snape: Oh... Okay, what is it then?
Me: It's a strange arse supposedly scary game... It's called Slap, Punish, Kill.
Snape: Mmm-hmmmmmm... *demon laugh* tHiS'LL bE iNTeREsTiNG...
Me: I saw that coming...
Snape: First victim, please?
Me: *Rolls eyes* Fine...
1st Victim: Hermione Granger
Snape: *Laughs like he escaped an insane asylum* Miss Granger, huh? I'd gladly punish the girl!
Me: Okay, the way you laughed made me concerned on how you're going to punish her, but at least you didn't pick slap or kill. I would've been mad if you picked either one of those, BUT DON'T F****** PUNISH HER BY BULLYING HER, SEVERUS SNAPE!!!
Snape: I'm not gonna bully her, I'll probably make her a servant for 3 days.
Me: Snape!
Snape: How else am I gonna punish her? If I give her extra homework I'll feel like I'm rewarding her. I don't wanna do that, I want her to be tense and serious.
Me: Her name's Hermione, not Sirius. (I did that on purpose to p*** him off lmfao)
Snape: *rolls eyes* Okay, Cosmic, I know you're trying to p*** me off, so can we move on?
Me: *smirks* Okay...
2nd Victim: Ron Weasley
Snape: Oh easy kill, eAsY KiLL... Weasley's a damn beast!
Me: Severus, it's not his fault! It's his neglectful mother's!
Snape: I still blame him, whether his mother is bad or not.
Me: Why?
Snape: He's a beast, have I not made that clear?
Me: Snape, Ron might get on your nerves, but I ship him with Luna.
Snape: Whatever...
Me: Anyways...
3rd Victim: Neville Longbottom
Snape: Kill.
Me: Okay, why Neville, Snape?
Snape: He wasn't made out to be the Chosen One.
Me: That's a bit petty, Sev...
Snape: Shut up!
Me: Well, Sev, you can't kill Nev just 'cause he ain't the Chosen One!
Snape: My God, Cosmic, you're so boring. Why do you do that to me?
Me: I just don't want to become a mass murderer.
Snape: That's what Death Eaters do, they kill!
Me: But you're a Order Of The Phoenix member-
Snape: COSMIC! THIS IS A PUBLIC WEBSITE, YOU DON'T TELL EVERYONE WHAT I AM!!!
Me: Damn, Sev, I'm sorry.
Snape: Ugh... Next victim?
Me: Alright...
4th Victim: Harry Potter
Snape: Potter? I'd slap him for about 24 hours.
Me: 24 hours? Snape, I don't think you'd make it that long...
Snape: Shut your f****** mouth, I can too. I did it to his father!
Me: Really? Did you get tired?
Snape: Nope.
Me: Liar...
Snape: I DIDN'T, SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE, COSMIC!!!
Me: Okay, Sev...
5th Victim: Albus Dumbledore
Snape: *stuttering nervously* Um... um... um... Play slap him?
Me: Hmm, I'm surprised you didn't pick kill.
Snape: Why would I kill Santie Claus?
Me: Snape, Dumbledore isn't Santa Claus.
Snape: Well, he's a fragile skinny one. He's got Santa's damn beard, Cosmic.
Me: That... doesn't make him Santa Claus.
Snape: I really don't give a rat's ***...
Me: Well, at least the slap's only pretend, though I doubt he would tolerate you even pretending...
6th Victim: Rubeus Hagrid
Snape: Hagrid? I'd slap his damn mouth shut because he annoys me.
Me: Wow, Sev. I mean, I expected worse but that's pretty bad too.
Snape: Well, if I tried to punish him, he'd just annoy me even more, and if I killed him, I couldn't make him cry, but if I slap him, I probably could.
Me: I think he'd crush you if you slapped him.
Snape: Better than being annoyed.
Me: Snape, sometimes you can be a bit... nuts.
Snape: Well, I'm nuts, he's annoying, it blends in, Cosmic.
Me: Blends in, huh?
Snape: Yep, we blend in easily.
Me: Like your lips do when you said you'd kiss him that one time you played Kiss or Miss?
Snape: SHUT UP, COSMIC!!!
Me: *ROFL* I'm sorry, Sev, I can't help it. You said you would!
Snape: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!! You didn't actually tell Hagrid I said that, did you?
Me: No, but some other people who read this post might.
Snape: If they do, my wand will go right in their-
Me: Okay that's it for this post I guess. Let's see what the comments have to say.
Snape: And none of them better talk about me and Hagrid or else I'm gonna get really f****** p*****!
Me: Calm down, Sev, I'm sure they won't talk about it. (I'm really not sure honestly though lol I just told Sev that to make him feel better)
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