Mostly wolfstar but every other marauder appears at some point as well!
Remus: Two brooooos!
Sirius: Chillin' in a hot tub!
Remus: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay!
Sirius:
Remus:
Sirius: *tearing up*
Remus: Babe, c'mon...
Sirius: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.
Remus: Babe...
Remus: Pros and cons of dating me.
Remus: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Remus: Cons. Holy s***, where do I begin-
*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*
Sirius: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Remus: No, Sirius. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Lily: No, that’s not part of it—
Sirius: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Peter: I would want to live with no legs.
James: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Peter. You don’t do anything.
The Teacher: All right, well, let's get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him. *Peter pumps frantically* Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of 100 beats per minute.
Sirius: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Lily: How’s that gonna help you?
Sirius: I will divide and then count to it.
Remus: Right.
Mary: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Sirius: Why, yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.
Sirius: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Remus: This is a lie.
Remus: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.
Remus: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.
Remus: Did it hurt when you fell-
Sirius: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-
Remus: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Sirius: ...
Remus: You just laid there for 15 minutes.
Sirius: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Remus and not do the thing,
Sirius: Well there’s a clear right answer here.
Sirius: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*
Remus: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, James. They're mad at you.
James: No, it's Lily. They're just being grammatically correct!
*meanwhile*
Lily: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.
Mary: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.
Lily: I stand by my choice.
Sirius: Today at 7 am, Remus poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.
Peter: I watched Remus brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm.
James: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.
Peter: We need to distract these guys.
Remus: Leave it to me.
Remus: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Sirius & James: *immediately begin debating*
Peter: How do Sirius and James usually get out of these messes?
Remus: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.
Lily: That's ridiculous, James doesn't have a crush on me. He’s just a prick.
Mary: Yes they do.
Marlene: Yes they do.
James, coming out of nowhere: Yes I do.
Peter: Why is Remus crying on the floor?
Lily: They're drunk.
Peter: And?
Lily: They saw a picture of Sirius's spouse.
Peter: But they are Sirius's spouse.
Lily: I know.
James, sweating: Lily, there’s something I need to ask you-
Lily: Finally! You’re proposing!
James: How’d you know?
Lily: James, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Lily: I even picked it up once.
Sirius: Do you want to know your gay name?
Remus: My... my gay name?
Sirius: Yeah, it's your first name-
Remus: Haha. Very funny Sirius-
Sirius: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.
Remus: Oh- oh my god.
Lily: And now for a gay update with Remus and Sirius.
Remus: Getting gayer.
Lily: Thank you, Remus.
James: Hey, Remus, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Sirius: Yeah.
James: And you, Remus?
Remus: Umm... yes?
James: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Remus: Did they just-
Lily: James annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow.
Peter: There is nothing special about tomorrow.
Lily: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over.
Sirius: The moon looks beautiful, doesn’t it?
James, looking at Sirius: Yeah… but do you know what’s more beautiful?
James and Sirius in unison: *sighs* Lily.
*Something crashes*
James: Shoot-
Remus: *running into the room in a panic* WHAT FELL?!
Sirius:*walking by the room calmly* What died?
Peter: I feel like James is looking down on me.
Lily: That’s because they’re standing on the counter and you’re short.
