I did this a while ago, but I recently re-read it and I realized my perception of the characters has changed and I honestly cringe re-reading some of the answers I gave, haha... Hopefully It'll be a little better this time!
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I agree with most of the people here, I believe it would have been cooler if Molly somehow found out who caused the explosion that killed Fred and then killed the witch/wizard who did that. Maybe they could have even said something like, "Ah, the second Weasley I'll be killing tonight-" before Molly took them down and gave her famous "Not my daughter, you B***h" line.
It would have been awesome if Neville got to have a duel with Bellatrix, it would really demonstrate how powerful he's become if they had a long duel that Neville barely won.
(Edited by LovelyPeachCola)
Happy birthday!!
Wow! This is fantastic. I'd love to see more of these! I love the way you wrote Tonks, it's exactly how I'd imagine her reacting. Her trying to get back up again and fight Bellatrix, at the end, even though she's being horribly tortured, really captures her attitude. Honestly, I think this death does her character more justice than the book version.
It'd be super cool to see Remus's side of the fight too, if you ever decide to write it. I'll be excited to read whatever you write next!
I actually really like Harry, even though they kind of messed him up in the movie, I think his sass and dynamic with Ron are both hilarious. Plus, his awkwardness brings me back to my early teen years
Sirius: Heck Yeah! Better than being human, honestly. Humans are extremely overrated. Dogs have better taste, better hearing, better hair... only problem is I can't see colors the same way as a dog.
James: I'd second that. Humans are lame compared to what a deer can do.
Remus: -I'll disagree with that and say I much prefer my time as a human, for obvious reasons. On a related note, to answer the question I was asked, I'd have to go into detail that most people would rather not hear. The best answer I can give without being too graphic is that it's so painful, painkiller potions have almost no effect.
Lord voldemort shirtless pics
How to seduce the dark lord
Daggers for sale
Dagger sharpener for sale
Kick a mudblood day
Why isn't kick a mudblood day a national holiday
Easiest way to kill mudbloods
Mostly wolfstar but every other marauder appears at some point as well!
Remus: Two brooooos!
Sirius: Chillin' in a hot tub!
Remus: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay!
Sirius:
Remus:
Sirius: *tearing up*
Remus: Babe, c'mon...
Sirius: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.
Remus: Babe...
Remus: Pros and cons of dating me.
Remus: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Remus: Cons. Holy s***, where do I begin-
*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*
Sirius: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Remus: No, Sirius. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Lily: No, that’s not part of it—
Sirius: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Peter: I would want to live with no legs.
James: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Peter. You don’t do anything.
The Teacher: All right, well, let's get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him. *Peter pumps frantically* Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of 100 beats per minute.
Sirius: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Lily: How’s that gonna help you?
Sirius: I will divide and then count to it.
Remus: Right.
Mary: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Sirius: Why, yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.
Sirius: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Remus: This is a lie.
Remus: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.
Remus: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.
Remus: Did it hurt when you fell-
Sirius: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-
Remus: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Sirius: ...
Remus: You just laid there for 15 minutes.
Sirius: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Remus and not do the thing,
Sirius: Well there’s a clear right answer here.
Sirius: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*
Remus: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, James. They're mad at you.
James: No, it's Lily. They're just being grammatically correct!
*meanwhile*
Lily: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.
Mary: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.
Lily: I stand by my choice.
Sirius: Today at 7 am, Remus poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.
Peter: I watched Remus brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm.
James: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.
Peter: We need to distract these guys.
Remus: Leave it to me.
Remus: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Sirius & James: *immediately begin debating*
Peter: How do Sirius and James usually get out of these messes?
Remus: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.
Lily: That's ridiculous, James doesn't have a crush on me. He’s just a prick.
Mary: Yes they do.
Marlene: Yes they do.
James, coming out of nowhere: Yes I do.
Peter: Why is Remus crying on the floor?
Lily: They're drunk.
Peter: And?
Lily: They saw a picture of Sirius's spouse.
Peter: But they are Sirius's spouse.
Lily: I know.
James, sweating: Lily, there’s something I need to ask you-
Lily: Finally! You’re proposing!
James: How’d you know?
Lily: James, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Lily: I even picked it up once.
Sirius: Do you want to know your gay name?
Remus: My... my gay name?
Sirius: Yeah, it's your first name-
Remus: Haha. Very funny Sirius-
Sirius: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.
Remus: Oh- oh my god.
Lily: And now for a gay update with Remus and Sirius.
Remus: Getting gayer.
Lily: Thank you, Remus.
James: Hey, Remus, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Sirius: Yeah.
James: And you, Remus?
Remus: Umm... yes?
James: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Remus: Did they just-
Lily: James annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow.
Peter: There is nothing special about tomorrow.
Lily: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over.
Sirius: The moon looks beautiful, doesn’t it?
James, looking at Sirius: Yeah… but do you know what’s more beautiful?
James and Sirius in unison: *sighs* Lily.
*Something crashes*
James: Shoot-
Remus: *running into the room in a panic* WHAT FELL?!
Sirius:*walking by the room calmly* What died?
Peter: I feel like James is looking down on me.
Lily: That’s because they’re standing on the counter and you’re short.
(Edited by LovelyPeachCola)
@Second British Hong Kong Ball Haha! I love that! Those are some talented students, Bohemian Rhapsody is actually pretty hard to sing... I can imagine the same thing happening with Another One Bites the Dust!
Some muggle-born student: -hums Another One Bites the Dust-
Some other student: -starts making sound effects and taps their spoon on the table to the beat-
Pretty much the entire great hall: ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST AAAaAND ANOTHER ONE GONE AND ANOTHER ONE GONE
Students who were raised without muggle music: Wth
Professor Trelawney: -blah blah blah, death the grim, oh, what a shame- Oh, but the question lives on, is this the real life your poor soul has been burdened with? Look into your cup to see, dear!
Student: -forms the largest smirk known to mankind- Is this just fantasy?
Other student: Caught in a landslide
Those two students together: no escape from reality
Pretty much the whole class: Open your eyes, look to the skies and seeee... I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy because
Pretty much the whole class, including Trelawney: I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low... anyway the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me
Students who were raised without muggle music: ..excuse me?
Harry: err... right.
So that's my new favorite headcanon.
In terms of pure memes and hilarious quotes, Draco is my favorite, but my genuine favorite Slytherin is Slughorn, with Scorpius right behind him.
Kiss Lavender
Marry CHO!
Kill Terry
Kiss Harry in a -friendship- way/ kiss him then explain that I only see him as a friend afterwards
Marry Hannah
Kill Grindelwald
Has anyone else been looking forward to these every day? They're so fun
In all Sirius-ness, this does sound cool! I genuinely have no idea who that man is but your explanation
of everything is really good!
(Edited by LovelyPeachCola)
-somewhere in Ohio-
“Who’s your favorite Garry Pouter character?”
”Surius”
Kiss Susan
Marry Hermione!
Kill Crabbe
SORRY FOR THE LATE ANSWER!
Kiss Sirius (I can't risk the marriage, the full moon is in like 2 weeks... Plus I never had a crush on him/ thing for him)
Marry Fleur (that worked out well, she was my childhood crush anyway)
Kill Hugo (I'm so sorry T_T)
Although I agree some of the things he did were definitely heroic, I feel like the more terrible things that the HP fandom commonly calls him out for are missing in this post.
Those being: his terrible treatment and abuse toward his students, calling his ‘true love’ a slur then getting mad when she isn’t interested in him because of his toxic behavior toward other students, his disgusting treatment of Lupin (even thought he couldn’t control that Sirius set Snape up at the Willow), the fact he played victim even though he was clearly part of the problem (it wasn’t all James’ fault, it’s said their rivalry was mutual) and only caring about Harry because he was attached to Lily.
(Edited by LovelyPeachCola)
I mean, he also emotionally abused the children he taught to the point of Neville being more scared of him then Bellatrix (or a random death eater if he didn’t know her exact face/name), the person who tortured his parents into insanity.
Ahhh oh my god sorry if I’m late to this-
Kiss Remus in a friendship way
Marry Tonks (the way I imaged her in the books, with a baggy band t-shirt, short pink hair, an amazing personality… exactly my type.)
Kill Teddy. I’m so sorry, I feel like a jerk but I’m just the least emotionally attached to him because we hardly even know him-
Also, why is everyone writing ‘Strait’ instead of ‘Straight’? Is it some joke I don’t get? Like the whole Ohio thing?
Oh my god that last sentence is so true-
Won-won and Draco are both shipped with non-breathing things (chicken and apple).
All jokes/crack ships aside Draco was just toxic in general during his school years. Any ship with him during that time would be unhealthy because he clearly wasn’t ready for a relationship. He’d only end up hurting his partner.
(Edited by LovelyPeachCola)