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Bilton Bilmes was a British or Irish wizard who, during the 1980s, was living in the Highlands of Scotland, having taken up both residence and employment in the picturesque little all-wizarding village of Hogsmeade as the proprietor of Zonko's Joke Shop.[2]

Biography[]

Early life[]

Bilton Bilmes attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where he was Sorted into Hufflepuff.[7] During his school career, he was well known for his sense of humour. He was an infamous prankster at Hogwarts, during a time when the school had strict discipline. However, his antics, according to Rolanda Hooch, introduced a balance between students and the faculty, with Bilmes protecting many students from the worst of the faculty's punishments. During his school years he poured Bulbadox powder in Horace Slughorn's mead as a prank, which prevented Rita Skeeter from joining the Slug Club;[5] despite this, he was a member of the Slug Club himself, and was still well-liked by Slughorn after Slughorn retired. It took him three years to graduate the seventh year.[6]

Later life[]

He once accidentally set off some Stink Pellets in the closet in his home and, unable to get the smell out, resolved to burn every piece of clothing he owned and buy new ones, only to accidentally burn his home to the ground in the process. This mistake would haunt him for many years to come. By the 1980s, Bilton had settled down in Hogsmeade and took up a job at the local joke shop. Loud and affable, and with a childlike fondness and enthusiasm for pranks and mischief, Bilton was always happy to accommodate the young scoundrels of Hogwarts Castle with the latest within classical trouble-making whenever they came to his shop looking for prank devices, and actively encouraged their practical jokes.[citation needed]

1980s1990s[]

Bilton would be visited many times by Jacob's sibling and their friends during their time at Hogwarts, where he would be instrumental in helping them with various problems.

Bilton participated in the Hogwarts Trivia contest that was held, where he participated on the side of the former student team and represented Hufflepuff house. After the contest was over, he would be presented with a Hogwarts Trivia sweatshirt by Gwenog Jones and Nymphadora Tonks as thanks for participating.[7]

Bilton on floor HM

Bilmes on the floor of Zonko's during his depressive slump

During the 1987–1988 school year, Rita Skeeter published a review of the town of Hogsmeade which included a particularly hateful review of Zonko's and Bilmes due to her personal vendetta against him. This review, combined with several other coincidental events, caused Bilmes to think he wasn't funny anymore and sent him down into a depressive spiral that caused him to announce he was closing Zonko's. When Jacob's sibling, Nymphadora Tonks, and Tulip Karasu learnt about this, they worked to helped Bilmes overcome his depression and re-open Zonko's.[6]

Bilton Bilmes in St Mungo's HM719

Bilmes in St Mungo's with a Nose-Biting Teacup stuck to his nose

During the 1990–1991 school year, Bilmes got a Nose-Biting Teacup stuck to his nose, for which he had to go to St Mungo's to get it removed. As part of their assignments as seventh-years, Jacob's sibling and Jae Kim attended to him in his hospital bed.[8]

2000s onwards[]

In the 2010–2011 school year, Bilmes was still working at Zonko's. He was talking to Robyn Thistlethwaite when she accidentally set off Dungbombs and created a mess. One of the shop employees, Hrithvi, barred her for the incident.[9]

Personality and traits[]

"I've named every cockroach in this establishment!"
— Bilton Bilmes in the Hog's Head Inn[src]

Bilmes's sense of humour was legendary, according to Rolanda Hooch, and he was well liked by much of the wizarding world. During his time at Hogwarts he acted as a shield to younger students from a much stricter faculty, which earned him respect even amongst the faculty he opposed. Slughorn liked him enough to invite him to become a member of the Slug Club, which Bilmes accepted. Even Severus Snape respected him for his humour, though he himself didn't think Bilmes was that funny.[6]

Bilmes was able to defuse many situations with his humour that would otherwise have caused him to get into trouble. Professor Snape once recounted a story where he saw Bilmes get into a confrontation with a particularly large Slytherin Beater, and was able to defuse the situation with his good sense of humour.[6]

As proprietor of Zonko's Joke Shop, Bilmes was so well loved by the inhabitants of Hogsmeade that when news of Zonko's closing reached the community, many people were incredibly disheartened and stopped going to many of the local establishments out of sadness. Bilmes was well loved by the students of Hogwarts too, with his shop being a popular stop for many of them during their Hogsmeade weekend trips.[6]

He had a thick skin for criticism, not particularly caring about how well a light reviews painted him in, and did not care if people considered him a joke, as he only wished to make people happy with his humour.[6] When he wasn't able to make people happy with his jokes he fell into a depressive slump, gorging himself on sweets and being too apathetic to bring himself to do anything.[6]

Magical abilities and skills[]

"[When I was] a first-year, Bilton was in his third attempt at being a seventh-year."
— Rolanda Hooch to Jacob's sibling and Andre Egwu[src]

Bilton wasn't a particularly gifted magical wizard, however he was skilled enough to still run Zonko's and invent new prank items from time to time.

  • Gobstones: Bilton was a noted Gobstones player, both whilst at Hogwarts and later as proprietor of Zonko's.[10]

Etymology[]

Bilton is the name of several towns in England whose names are alternatively derived either from the Anglo-Saxon Beolatun meaning Beola's town or the old English Billeton meaning the the farmstead of Billa or Bilo.[11]

Bilmes is an obscure surname of Hebrew origin, most of whom are living in Argentina or New York.

Bilmes's name in French is Jussien Turlupin, which comes from the French comedic actor Henri Legrand who was a well known actor in the 16th and 17th centuries. He was considered one of the best jokers in French theatre.[12]

Behind the scenes[]

  • Bilton's tendencies to get high highs and low lows, as well his friendly and sometimes self-deprecating humour, suggests he may be bipolar, a condition that the Harry Potter audiobooks narrator, Stephen Fry, has in real life.[13]

Appearances[]

The Harry Potter Wiki has 28 images related to Bilton Bilmes.

Notes and references[]

  1. "World Exclusive Interview with J K Rowling," South West News Service, 8 July 2000 - "Hogwarts just serves Britain and Ireland."
  2. 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6 2.7 Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, Year 3, Chapter 4 (Filching from Filch)
  3. Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, Year 3, Side Quest "Shadow Of The Dark Lord"
  4. 4.0 4.1 Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, Year 3, Side Quest "Hogwarts Trivia"
  5. 5.0 5.1 Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, Year 4, Chapter 5 (Time to Fly)
  6. 6.0 6.1 6.2 6.3 6.4 6.5 6.6 6.7 Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, Year 4, "Saving Zonko's" Achievement
  7. 7.0 7.1 7.2 Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, Year 3, "HOGWARTS TRIVIA" Achievement
  8. Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, Year 7, Chapter 19 (St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries)
  9. Harry Potter: Magic Awakened, "Dungbombs and Disguises"
  10. Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, Year 3, "HOGWARTS TRIVIA" Achievement
  11. Bilton on Wikipedia
  12. Turlupin on French Wikipedia
  13. The Guardian: Stephen Fry: My long battle with mental health
Hogsmeade
Hogsmeade Valley, Scotland, Great Britain
Founder: Hengist of Woodcroft
Shops and other businesses
Baby Witch · Batworthy Junk · Bewildering Blooms · Bingle & Blatch · Brews and Stews Café · Brood and Peck · Ceridwen's Cauldrons · Confiserie d'André · Dervish and Banges · Dogweed and Deathcap · Dominic Maestro's Music Shop · Fickle Fabrics · Flutes and Lutes · Gladrags Wizardwear · The Haunted Hogsmeade Shop · Hayden family shop · Hog's Head Inn · Hogsmeade Community Garden · Hogsmeade Post Office · Honeydukes · J. Pippin's Potions · Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop · Madam Snelling's Tress Emporium · The Magic Neep · McBloom & McMuck · McHavelock's Wizarding Headgear · The Old Fool · Ollivanders · Pedrus Pridgeon · Pets & Familiars · Renka Rabblehauser's shop · Rosa Lee Teabag · Scribbulus Writing Implements · Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop · Spintwitches Sporting Needs · Steepley and Sons · Three Broomsticks Inn · Tomes and Scrolls · Vladimir Plot Plumbing Supplies · Wizarding hairdressing salon · Zonko's Joke Shop
Other locations
Astronomy Tables · Cave near Hogsmeade · Dogweed and Deathcap Tree · Elphinstone Urquart and Minerva McGonagall's Hogsmeade cottage · Festival grounds · Foxglove Meadow · Golding House · High Street · Hogsmeade Entrance Bridge · Hogsmeade Graveyard · Hogsmeade Station · Merge Publications · Office 323 · River by Hogsmeade · Rivers Edge · Road to Hogsmeade · Road to Hogwarts · Shrieking Shack · Silvanus Kettleburn's house · Spire Alley · Wizarding Wireless Network Headquarters
Known residents and shop employees
Alice · Garnuff · Gwendoline Babcocke · Gwendoline Babcocke's mother · Archibald Bennett · Bilton Bilmes · Thomas Brown · Otto Dibble · Aberforth Dumbledore · Andre Egwu · Employee of the Hogsmeade Post Office · Fastidio · Lottie Featherbottom · Mopsy Fleabert · Ambrosius Flume · Mrs Flume · Glenna Golding · Nyle Golding · Shane Golding · Greebly · Beatrice Green · Corey Hayden's parents · Augustus Hill · Hogsmeade street sweeper · Hogsmeade town crier · Horace · Hrithvi · Betty Huxley · Richard Jackdaw · Kaliope · Silvanus Kettleburn · Lucy Lanyon · André Leroux · Dominic Maestro · Soleil le Marveillus · Cassandra Mason · Cassandra Mason's tenants · Marlowe · Morven Merriweather· Minerva McGonagall · Agnes Nutt · Clarence Quillion · Penny · Agabus Philbert · Dulcibella Philbert · Gabbey · J. Pippin · Parry Pippin · Puddifoot · Renka Rabblehauser · Olivia Redding · Patrick Redding · Rosmerta · Sirona Ryan · Calliope Snelling · Perdita Strix · Timothy Teasdale · Yubert Thorne · Thaddeus Travers · Jasper Trout · Unidentified 19th-century Hogwarts student · Unidentified mallowsweet seller · Unidentified Ollivander's assistant · Unidentified Zonko's Joke Shop assistant · Elphinstone Urquart · Waiter at the Three Broomsticks · Ethel Wigley · Albie Weekes · Wally Wimbles · Zonko · Zonko's shopkeeper
St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries
Founder: Mungo Bonham
Locations
Alchemy Room · Creature Induced Injuries · 'Dangerous' Dai Llewellyn Ward: Serious Bites · Entrance dummy · Hospital Ward · Janus Thickey Ward · Poisoning Department · Purge and Dowse, Ltd · St Mungo's Admissions Department · St Mungo's Certified Healer Insignia · St Mungo's student programme · St Mungo's Werewolf Wing
Employees
Positions Healer · Mediwizard · Trainee Healer · Welcome Witch · Cleaner
Healers Astrid Cole · Dilys Derwent · Omar Abasi · Eustace Burke · Ruby Honeysuckle · Lancelot · Chiara Lobosca · Rutherford Poke · Augustus Pye · Hippocrates Smethwyck · Helbert Spleen · Miriam Strout · Vulpecula Bulstrode · Portrait of a Healer · Wiggins · Talbott Winger's mother
Patients
Katie Bell · Bilton Bilmes · Bitten St Mungo's patient · Barnabus Blenkinsop · Philbert Chivers · Herbert Chorley · William Dale · John Dawlish · Andre Egwu's sister · Fugitive werewolf · Dorian Fungbury · Mirabel Garlick's predecessor · Grubby-looking St Mungo's patient · Rubeus Hagrid · Penny Haywood · Gordon Horton · Jacob · Tulip Karasu · Cecil Lee · Cassandra Mason's tenants · Rhys Maybury's mother · Minerva McGonagall · Tasmina McLaggen · Eloise Mintumble · Montgomery · Naasz · Esme Page · Anne Sallow · Miriam Strout · Laura Thorn · Nymphadora Tonks · Unidentified dragonologist · Unidentified St Mungo's patient · Unidentified werewolf · Arthur Weasley · Ginevra Weasley · Winged St Mungo's patient · Winifred Warrington · Unidentified St Mungo's patients
Long-term residents Agnes · Alice Longbottom · Broderick Bode (deceased) · Frank Longbottom · Gilderoy Lockhart · Zenith Xeep