Bilton Bilmes

Bilton Bilmes
Biographical information
Nationality	British or Irish
Physical information
Species	Human
Gender	Male
Hair colour	Silver
Eye colour	Blue
Skin colour	Light
Magical characteristics
Boggart	Dementor
Affiliation
Occupation	Shopkeeper of Zonko's Joke Shop
House	Hufflepuff
Loyalty	Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Hufflepuff Slug Club Former student team Zonko's Joke Shop

Bilton Bilmes was a British or Irish wizard who, during the 1980s, was living in the Highlands of Scotland, having taken up both residence and employment in the picturesque little all-wizarding village of Hogsmeade as the proprietor of Zonko's Joke Shop.

Biography

Early life

Bilton Bilmes attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where he was Sorted into Hufflepuff. During his school career, he was well known for his sense of humour. He was an infamous prankster at Hogwarts, during a time when the school had strict discipline. However, his antics, according to Rolanda Hooch, introduced a balance between students and the faculty, with Bilmes protecting many students from the worst of the faculty's punishments. During his school years he poured Bulbadox powder in Horace Slughorn's mead as a prank, which prevented Rita Skeeter from joining the Slug Club; despite this, he was a member of the Slug Club himself, and was still well-liked by Slughorn after Slughorn retired. It took him three years to graduate the seventh year.

Later life

He once accidentally set off some Stink Pellets in the closet in his home and, unable to get the smell out, resolved to burn every piece of clothing he owned and buy new ones, only to accidentally burn his home to the ground in the process. This mistake would haunt him for many years to come. By the 1980s, Bilton had settled down in Hogsmeade and took up a job at the local joke shop. Loud and affable, and with a childlike fondness and enthusiasm for pranks and mischief, Bilton was always happy to accommodate the young scoundrels of Hogwarts Castle with the latest within classical trouble-making whenever they came to his shop looking for prank devices, and actively encouraged their practical jokes.

1980s–1990s

Bilton would be visited many times by Jacob's sibling and their friends during their time at Hogwarts, where he would be instrumental in helping them with various problems.

Bilton participated in the Hogwarts Trivia contest that was held, where he participated on the side of the former student team and represented Hufflepuff house. After the contest was over, he would be presented with a Hogwarts Trivia sweatshirt by Gwenog Jones and Nymphadora Tonks as thanks for participating.

Bilmes on the floor of Zonko's during his depressive slump

During the 1987–1988 school year, Rita Skeeter published a review of the town of Hogsmeade which included a particularly hateful review of Zonko's and Bilmes due to her personal vendetta against him. This review, combined with several other coincidental events, caused Bilmes to think he wasn't funny anymore and sent him down into a depressive spiral that caused him to announce he was closing Zonko's. When Jacob's sibling, Nymphadora Tonks, and Tulip Karasu learnt about this, they worked to helped Bilmes overcome his depression and re-open Zonko's.

Bilmes in St Mungo's with a Nose-Biting Teacup stuck to his nose

During the 1990–1991 school year, Bilmes got a Nose-Biting Teacup stuck to his nose, for which he had to go to St Mungo's to get it removed. As part of their assignments as seventh-years, Jacob's sibling and Jae Kim attended to him in his hospital bed.

2000s onwards

In the 2010–2011 school year, Bilmes was still working at Zonko's. He was talking to Robyn Thistlethwaite when she accidentally set off Dungbombs and created a mess. One of the shop employees, Hrithvi, barred her for the incident.

Personality and traits

"I've named every cockroach in this establishment!"

— Bilton Bilmes in the Hog's Head Inn

Bilmes's sense of humour was legendary, according to Rolanda Hooch, and he was well liked by much of the wizarding world. During his time at Hogwarts he acted as a shield to younger students from a much stricter faculty, which earned him respect even amongst the faculty he opposed. Slughorn liked him enough to invite him to become a member of the Slug Club, which Bilmes accepted. Even Severus Snape respected him for his humour, though he himself didn't think Bilmes was that funny.

Bilmes was able to defuse many situations with his humour that would otherwise have caused him to get into trouble. Professor Snape once recounted a story where he saw Bilmes get into a confrontation with a particularly large Slytherin Beater, and was able to defuse the situation with his good sense of humour.

As proprietor of Zonko's Joke Shop, Bilmes was so well loved by the inhabitants of Hogsmeade that when news of Zonko's closing reached the community, many people were incredibly disheartened and stopped going to many of the local establishments out of sadness. Bilmes was well loved by the students of Hogwarts too, with his shop being a popular stop for many of them during their Hogsmeade weekend trips.

He had a thick skin for criticism, not particularly caring about how well a light reviews painted him in, and did not care if people considered him a joke, as he only wished to make people happy with his humour. When he wasn't able to make people happy with his jokes he fell into a depressive slump, gorging himself on sweets and being too apathetic to bring himself to do anything.

Magical abilities and skills

"[When I was] a first-year, Bilton was in his third attempt at being a seventh-year."

— Rolanda Hooch to Jacob's sibling and Andre Egwu

Bilton wasn't a particularly gifted magical wizard, however he was skilled enough to still run Zonko's and invent new prank items from time to time.

• Gobstones: Bilton was a noted Gobstones player, both whilst at Hogwarts and later as proprietor of Zonko's.

Etymology

Bilton is the name of several towns in England whose names are alternatively derived either from the Anglo-Saxon Beolatun meaning Beola's town or the old English Billeton meaning the the farmstead of Billa or Bilo.

Bilmes is an obscure surname of Hebrew origin, most of whom are living in Argentina or New York.

Bilmes's name in French is Jussien Turlupin, which comes from the French comedic actor Henri Legrand who was a well known actor in the 16th and 17th centuries. He was considered one of the best jokers in French theatre.

Behind the scenes

• Bilton's tendencies to get high highs and low lows, as well his friendly and sometimes self-deprecating humour, suggests he may be bipolar, a condition that the Harry Potter audiobooks narrator, Stephen Fry, has in real life.

Appearances

• Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery (First appearance)
• Harry Potter: Magic Awakened (Mentioned only)